either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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