a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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