I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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