The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize