He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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