all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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