woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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