it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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