i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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