He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize