Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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