the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize