Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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