No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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