she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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