I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this will be a night to untag.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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