You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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