The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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