Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize