She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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