Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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