I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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