don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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