I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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