Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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