I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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