I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize