How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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