why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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