It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He passed out mid-signature
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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