8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cut my penus on the lid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize