I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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