do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize