I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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