Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize