Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize