I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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