My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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