Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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