he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize