Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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