Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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