my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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