I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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