Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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