I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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