so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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