Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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