we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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