the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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